cheers darlin'

As the mechanical hands of Chicago tuck me in.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 22:24:58 GMT

You,
my life support;
keeping my pulse at
these awkward rhythms, screaming
stories of scuffed shoes and
crumbling bridges.

Bridges that held us
as we inhaled the trees
fading into the sky, and
the warn areas below

Do you remember?
Oh, Miss Guild
a time when this nostalgia wasn’t
wrapped around our necks?

"but you cant have a cure if
you don’t have a diagnoses,
just layers and layers of diseased organs and
shortened breath."

Oh,
it'll pass,
it'll pass, it'll pass,
like the warn yellow slapped onto these city streets,
trampled by tourists,
and all else that leaves too quickly.

but I've been inhaling these bread crumbs lately,
they were never baked to be eaten,
just to mold between these interstates that separate us.
Oh, Jack,
are these just rambles to you,
or a constant reminder of how unnecessary these oceans between us really are?

and I tried to deny all feeling as two evils slaughtered themselves across my tense appendages.

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 01:44:11 GMT

I've never been so emotionally drained in my life.
The cold from the sheets is the only thing keeping me convinced this is real.

I turned off the light, and joined hands with conciousness as I went back into an empty bedroom, but instead I locked eyes with Mike, smiling, because Mike always fucking smiles and it always comforted me until now. I don't remember what I said. All I remember is the burning in my cheeks, and the evaporation of whiskers slowly deleting themselves from my face forever. Repetitivley damning the moist trails drowning the ivory paint that suffocated my pores, and I, for the first time, began to feel guilty for the act, finding within me and it a whirled relation.

This will get better
but tonight
I sleep more alone than I ever have before,

Goodnight,

-flesh.

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 00:35:52 GMT

my heart resembles a jackhammer occupied by a guy (or woman) with carpal tunnel syndrome and
I feel myself falling into sillouettes of the seventhgrade.

yeah, that about covers it.

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 07:54:27 GMT

I went to the Quad Cities today with Tag, Ian, Jeff, and Julia
and by that I mean we all drove to it, then back through it, and back through it.. and by the time we stopped and we knew we were, everything was closed. There was constant screaming, and swearing, and laughing. It was great. I needed a life outside the showplace 8, outside Galesburg, and I guess a green station wagon was just the ticket. I think I'm going to hit up Chicago with Jeff by the end of this week, rock out to some Taking Back Sunday and gay clubs, perhaps some Metric.. I hope it doesn't fall through.. everything always falls through anymore. fuck adolescants.

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 02:25:42 GMT

I'm going to Iowa to spend the weekend with my big sister this weekend.
I'm excited,
her millionaire bf is out of town, so we get to kick it high class in his house.
I love her.

I found a box of legos when going through the remaining unchared objects from the giant bon fire hosted by my brother within my old house
I've been building catles all day.
they're BEAUTIFULLL.

and to FIFI:
the fucking clown came back in a box today
it survived a fire, a crash from the second story window, and a rubber vs. face battle with my car's tires
..be afraid.

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 20:47:46 GMT

DAYYUM.
every single penny in my next pay check goes to the man.
$75 speeding ticket $70 penalation fee for spending money I didn't have.
I'm going to die on my own.
the new ashlee simpson song sucks.
I have to go to work now, to recieve money I can't spent.
AGGGH!!!!!!

Me and Jeff decided to go Laguna beach on our possible swirl dates.
So at 2am last night we went to galva and wrote all over Tag's windows
and I bought a bunch of stuff to decorate my boy's room.
whom has lj, so I can't mention the name... jeez, I luv jr. high secerets NOONEZ CAN KNO I LIEK HIM, TEEHEE.
which was supposed to be while he was at school. but I was out night doing Tag's.
So I slept. for eternity.
I can't wait.
HALFKDHLKJDSFLK.

Mon, 16 Jan 2006 22:28:44 GMT

I've had this real HAZE on life lately.
I really can barely walk today
I get dizzy and run into things
but I guess it keeps me in bed
and watching unlimited reruns of made and lets me consume an ungodly supply potato soup
SO WHY THE HELL AM I COMPLAINING?!
I hope I pass out later, I've never passed out before,
it shall be a trip.

When this is over I think I want to drive really far
for no reason
anyone else downnnn?
you fucking better be.
hollar.

Oh yeah, I dont have school tomorrow..
or EVER.
suck that..
then me,
GER-OWLL, baby!!!

..goodnight?

BYEBYEBYESSSSS!

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 23:34:58 GMT

He's still not ready for commitment
...oops...

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:22:33 GMT

agh, last day of community studies,
I'm gonna miss it.
Me an Nick just walked down to inkeepers and hung out, talked about life, and the L-train, and slumber parties, I just realized I'm never gonna see him ever again, and that sucks. I've never just met someone and realized, this is the last time I'll see them in my life, it scares me, and I don't know why.

2 days of high school left
I think I'm gonna fail ap government
maybe I shouldnt have gotten high so much at the beggining of the term, 'cause I'm fucked
can you just take one class instead of an entire term? because, uh, I would enjoy that.

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 21:15:23 GMT

I saw this lady getting her face beat in at the Auto Zone parking lot yesterday
I told this story too much,
but it was AWESOME
I called the cops,
but I wasnt' on tv :|
.. fuck the fox network.

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 19:44:44 GMT

sooo...
I got a letter from Columbia today
looks like I'm on of the lucky 98% that got accepted :O:O:O
...now the tricky party is finishing high school with even less motivation
...7 days... 7days... 7 days... 7 days... 7 days... 7 days... 7 days...
why does that number keep getting bigger?!

I didn't sleep last night.. at all
I've never felt so good
I turned Jeff into a fashionable gay today.
...my reason for living here is now officially deadd.

oh yeah.. Happy New Years.
I hope to see you lovely bastards tonight.

LAGUNA BEACH MARATHON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 18:57:58 GMT

3 hours and still commitied
...I'm a sad, sad, girl...

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 04:01:00 GMT

Today I realized..
I say A LOT of random shit
at work me keith and talbot we sitting there in silence.. a wonderful, appreciative silence..
and then I just blurt out
"Talbot.. you would be a weird dad.. don't ever be a dad"
random? yeah. awkward? not yet..
to cover up the randomness I blurt out "you would probably be a child molester.. and molest your kids.."
hmmm..
I never saw so many eyes dart toward me at once before in my life
we just continued to sit in a newly converted horrible, awkward, fucked silence

the weird thing is.. i've never thought that before in my life
I just say a lot of random shit.

OH HEX NOOOO!!!

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 20:48:58 GMT

WEEEE!
for christmas break
now i can finally get into some real funnn!

yeahhh, I'm seein' a lot of coffee in my imidiate future..

EFF OLD PEOPLE.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 03:37:08 GMT

hello.

it's long, but at least you can make fun of me afterwards.. huh...huhhhh?

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 21:47:35 GMT

so, uh, I went out with David last night and we were going to Pizza Hut, he said he forgot his wallet in the car and being the loving girlfriend I am I volunteered to get it for him. When I got to his car I didn't see it anywhere so I started looking through stuff in the back seat to run across a girl's belt, a pair of girl sandals, sunglasses, and a 50 cent cd, and all of a sudden I felt unbelievabley sick... i thought i knew him so well, and it turn out.. i was dating someone who likes... 50 cent?! Going inside I told him I couldn't find it and he got it, i didn't say a word until we got back to his car and he said "what's wrong with you?" I was afraid to mention it, but I swallowed my fear and confronted him by saying "what the hell is with all the girl stuff in the back seat?" his response resembled somthing like "what the fuck are you talking about?!" I turned around to show him when it was all gone and replaced with a guitar and a skateboard.. to realize, I spent like 10 minutes going through someone else's shit that ended up looking nothing like David's car, that night I went home and slept for 13 hours.. best decision I've ever made.

Fri, 02 Dec 2005 00:24:48 GMT

today..
I almost hit a GOOSE

p to da s

sleep over saturday
if you're a friend on my lj
-even if i never talk to you
..you're invited
rsvp please
-i must purchase enough cookies to satisfy all you ladies.

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 06:54:09 GMT

Is the wind pounding on your window as well?
Or have you the absesnce to notice?

the only boy
I've talked for hours
and yet still felt the need
to knock before I entered his bedroom

these insecurities
weave words into my notebooks
emotions I can't relate the morning after
drunk?
but off what?

7 weeks.
pounded my heart into non
existance
and the phone still rings
for hours

I run from your accutions
because there's something I'm hiding
I know where to find it
but sometimes
the only encouragement you have to live
is that little bit of curiosity that
keeps you from it.

...I sped down fremont street going 75 mph
just to write this
and now that I sit and read this
I wish I was driving again
fuck emotions.

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 05:00:35 GMT

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Orderliness	\|\|	10%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|	16%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|	16%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

craves attention, messy, open, rash, irritable, likes large parties, low self control, weird, fragile, does not like to be alone, emotionally sensitive, worrying, depressed, heart over mind, does not respect authority, dependent, not rule conscious, not good at saving money, more interested in relationships than intellectual pursuits, likes to fit in, very social, frequently second guesses self, phobic, suspicious, not careful, outgoing, vain, compassionate, aggressive, likes to make fun, hates to lose

meh, I guess that's pretty accurate

Tonight was pretty neat
Brandon, Jenn, and Adam in Peoria
weeee!
It's been awhile since I've hung out with those bitches
and well, I've never really hung out with Adam, I guess he's mighty sweet,
when he's not making chewbaka noises
I'm so fucking tired
I have to work tomorrow
yeah, first time in 3 weeks... im not looking forward to it
growlness

I get to sing to melanie's tummy tomorrow.
I cant wait

in words of kazaa "pending..."

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 01:10:50 GMT

Within a mauve lava lamp
the wax hangs it’s hungry newtons
from ceiling
then floor

vacillating
hesitantly

a continuous search
for It’s ideal comfort
to freeze for eternity within a
mauve lava lamp

the wax hangs.

awaiting the light to flicker
the energy to cease
and the newtons to feast
Oh, God
let our hands part
our hands part
our hands part…

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 15:41:05 GMT

I got to school extra late
'cause my house burnt down
I'm too tired to live
I smell like smoke
goodnight

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 02:19:43 GMT

agh,
worst night in awhile

I guess knoxville's homecoming was tonight
AKA
pretty, happy, giggley couples galour
while my co-workers talk about their favorite places to have sex with their perfectly perfect lovers
(..elevators, showers, stair wells...)
wait, wait,
let me say it first
"W-T-F!"

...well, I think it's about time to shoot myself in the face now
have a most beautiful night

-allison.

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 03:05:50 GMT

god bless new crushhhes

...and zoloft

Life's delicous
yum, yum.

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 00:25:21 GMT

agh, my first ap government test tomorrow, basically, I'm terrified. I'm lost in there. I did get my grammar and comp done, it's got me so excited, it was an application essay to Columbia, I spent so much time on it, that it's pathetic, but it's definitley worth it, only if I could get myself to spend that much time doing schalarships..

Man, me and Earf thought this crazy idea to make up really erotic as heck letters and send it to a teacher from another teacher at ghs and create some really fucked up love triangles. So, this is your chance to vote on who's involved. I think Mrs. Truelove is a must-have, but give your input, pretty pretty pleasse. I'll post the letter later, god, I never knew I could be such a slut, it's disgustingly awkward.

hm, that's about all.
lovvve you.

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 22:36:35 GMT

I talked to my dad today about college
and we finally decided on something that doesn't involve me exploding
and everything goes sweetly I Could be starting Northern Illinois in Dekalb next fall, and I wont be ENTIRELY alone, I mean there's always Dug, even though we're not super duper tight er anything. It's just.. not Galesburg.

Agh, I can't explain what I'm feeling now, and I just feel emo trying.
All I do is write and read anymore, and it's the only thing that makes me happy, I feel so fucking cliche but I can't sleep and I'm never hungry, and I force myself to eat, I'm just sick, and anxious and tired and serious all the time anymore. I have no car, i'm on medication that wont allow me to sleep.. ever, I lost my best friend and just overall person I placed all of my hope in, and I'm just overwhelmed.. with everything, and I feel so fucking teenage-angsty.

I started saving my money, I'm not spending any.
it's only $80.
but that's just in a week of working, within a year it'll be enough,
and I'll have a car soon when the guy's insurance company get's it settled, and I'll have more to look forward too.
I just can't think about this anymore,
but it's like I can't think about anything else either.
Last night I said everything to him, I said everything I was, I cryed for three and a half hours, just telling him.. everything, everything I couldn't even admit to myself... He held me, and kissed me, and told me it was a mistake, and I got a tissue to wipe my face and I turned around, and it was all gone... just like that. And... I hate him, and I'm just not in reality anymore.. I don't know anything about what we're talking about in school, everything in this town just reminds me.. and I can't stand it.. and I hate him, for lying, and promising, and leaving me when I did nothing..

everyone just kept talkng about the wreck today, people I barely knew, and asking questions and it's like.. I don't know. I can't even concentrate, I just think of David, and how he was everything and a year and a half, and we were perfect, and now I'm just some obsessive ex-girlfriend. I really, I don't care about the wreck, I mean, right when my car stopped, the first thing I though of was calling David. I'm so fucked, and I don't know how I got like this, and I'm complaining. And, tomorrow I'll be okay and I'll probably delete this entry, but it's just... I have to call him.. but there's nothing else to say.. he knows everything. And he's just.. gone.